Raising Boys…Those Rascals!

My Perspective

Where’s the hammer? I’m going to finally hang this weathered oar on the boys bedroom wall. Wait…what is scratched into the wood?

‘Z-e-k-e.’ Well, what kind of dummy would carve his own name plainly into the wood so there’s no doubt as to the culprit? Good grief!

“Zeke!” I shriek, “Come here right now! Zeeeke!!”

Thump, thump pounds the feet of eight-year-old Zeke. His wide eyes are puzzled, “What, Mom?”

“What is the meaning of this?” I ask, stabbing my finger at the laceration in the otherwise-smooth surface, “Why on earth would you carve your name into this oar that I want to hang on your wall?” I sputter.

With innocent eyes, Zeke insists, “But, I didn’t do it!”

“Of course, you did! Who else would carve your name?” I ask, shaking my head.

“It had to be Drover,” Zeke maintains.

“Nice try, Buddy, but I don’t buy it!” I retort. (I mean, would YOU believe it?) I gave him extra chores to make up for the time I will spend sanding and re-surfacing the paddle.

Then!! Can you wrap your head around this? I discovered much later that Zeke truly did not have any part of defacing the wooden paddle with graffiti. His younger brother, Drover, very cleverly scratched Zeke’s name there and avoided all the blame.

Seriously?? He must take after his dad.

So, How Do You Tame the Boys?

I don’t know.

They actually grew up to be amazing men that I’m proud of! How did it happen?

I was often at my wit’s end with their shenanigans. I did time-outs, hair pulls, yelling, and lectures, all without affecting any long-term peace in the household. Now, I think I would do it differently if I could. I’ve learned a thing or two since then.

—I learned that one boy’s love language is touch. Yikes, did he get more than a pat on the shoulder once a month?

—I learned that their longing is to be wanted and valued. Did putting him in time out make him feel wanted?

—I learned that boys need a purpose. Maybe if I would have leaned on them more to mow the lawn and carry wood, and slathered them up with my appreciation, it might have made them stand taller. Instead, I often gave them chores as punishment. It wasn’t a confidence-builder. I know sitting in time-out didn’t make them feel good. Nor me neither.

—I learned that boys feel connected by doing things together. I never fished or tossed a frisbee;. Maybe I should have.

—I learned that boys love to please their mom. I wish I had let them know more often when they did please me.

—I learned that they felt insecure and vulnerable, and often acted out to express those needs. I would try harder to reach their heart and less time on controlling the behavior.

Crying is one trick you might want to keep in your pocket. :-) My boys hated when I cried. I was so exasperated with them one day, and I sat them on the couch and said, “I am so disappointed in you, that I don’t know whether I should yell or cry.” A tender-hearted one quickly replied, “Oh, don’t cry, Mom!” “You would rather I yell?” I asked in surprise. “Yes,” he replied, “but could you yell a little softer?”

What can you do but laugh? Laughter was my best stress-reliever and saved my sanity. When I struggled to connect with my boys, we still bonded with a good laugh.

And remember, they will most surely turn out wonderfully in spite of all the frustration!!